Apostles and my Heart

Elder Ballard (an Apostle of the Lord, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, the second highest governing body of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) here on the Earth) spoke to the graduating class at BYU-Hawaii and urged the students to use the 'new media' that is out there (ie blogs, comments on news stories, etc.) to correct mistakes and inaccuracies and carry on conversations about the Church. With the multitude of news casts, radio shows, etc. talking about the Church the governing bodies and official representatives simply do not have the means to comment on each. While we as regular members of the Church do not speak on behalf of the whole Church (the only one on Earth who has the authority to do that is the Prophet), we can stand up for it, quote scripture and speak with the power of the Holy Spirit. :)

It is so easy to correct inaccuracies that are out there about the Church. The Church websites have many links where you can direct people. If someone would like to know about how we think of Jesus Christ and His nature and divinity, you can lead someone to www.lds.org and have them click on the icon that will display The Living Christ, which is the testimony of the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles on that very subject.

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This was going to happen eventually, but I didn't think I would have this severe of a reaction.

My Mom and I were having a usual and ordinary conversation tonight. We talked about what we were getting other people in the family, what I will be doing when I get there, how I am doing, how she is doing, chit chat. Then she said: "Warren came and said hello to me last night."

Have you ever had that feeling in your heart, very literally in your heart, where you hear something or see something and it burns, leaps? Now, have you ever felt what it is like to have your heart broken and it feels like it is quite literally torn in two and bleeding?

My heart leapt, broke and bled at hearing her say his name.

I am not over him. Dang it, I thought I was doing SO good!

She said he came up, shook her hand, said hi and left. My Dad thought he looked sad. My heart broke again. I don't want him to be sad. I really don't. He should be happy. I want him to be happy,dang it...cause however bad things were, last Christmas was simply amazing, we were good friends, we were in love and really and truly happy with each other at one point...and I care about him.

Am I ever going to get over him?!?!?

And here I am, a week away from probably seeing him. Gah.

There are moments when I really am afraid of falling in love again. It has happened to me twice, and both ended in bitter heart aches. My goodness, I don't know how Heavenly Father is able to stand it when His children break His infinitely good heart all the time. If I am to become like Him, I have a long way to go, cause I can't stand heart breaks at all. I literally get quite sick.

I question my choice in men, I question what is wrong with me, I question and falter in so many ways.

Don't worry, I don't wallow in those thoughts. They come and go. I have faith, hope that things will work out in the end.

Tonight, I will probably cry myself to sleep. It needs to get out. I haven't done it in months I believe, so perhaps this needed to happen a long time ago.